by As I wrote last week’s column about my thoughts before the Norwich Half Marathon, I said to myself, “You’re not up to this.”
I’ve been trying to combat some of the negative thoughts that inevitably arise in all of us that try to keep us safe.
But sometimes it’s worth recognizing that they’re there for the right reasons.
On this occasion, I didn’t do it.
“This is good column material, Mark.”
“It’s always different when you’re in a racing environment.”
“It will be a good reference before next year.”
Just some of the mind games I played with myself on Sunday morning. But even as I walked toward the starting line, the wind howling, the thought of going home came to mind.
I wish I had it.
It turned out to be a very tough day at the office and a run too far this year. I was about to remember that you can’t bluff while running a half marathon.
Physically, I feel in good shape, but mentally, I was not ready to face what is a difficult course in very difficult conditions.
I was very pleased that the event benefited from a minute’s applause at the start line for Mike Wilkinson, who sadly passed away recently. I didn’t know him personally, but Neil Featherby told me a lot about him and anyone who can influence Neil has my utmost respect.
At the start, I was positioned about 20 meters behind the 1h30 leader. My tactic was going to be to forget my watch and keep these leaders in sight for the first few miles.
However, from the first kilometer it was difficult and I couldn’t calm my breathing.
As we headed towards the road leaving the Showground, the leader from 1h30 was already moving away. I was running at a pace that I know is well within my capabilities at the start of a half marathon – but I just didn’t feel right.
More and more runners started to pass me as the miles went by and this leader got further and further away.
I took an energy gel on board to try and inject some pace to get my race going again. It ran for about a mile and a half before there was a particularly difficult stretch into the wind at the six mile point.
Then there was a hill in the eighth mile that pretty much ended my race.
It’s the kind of short, steep hill where you wonder if it would be faster to climb it rather than “run”.
But I knew I couldn’t allow myself to walk – there were still five miles to go and I wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible.
As I mentally recovered from the hill, I completely checked out the run.
I told myself to accumulate the kilometers and not make things more difficult for myself by attacking. Any thoughts of going under 1:30 are long gone and the rest of the race is a bit of a blur.
I vaguely remember telling myself to keep things as comfortable as possible in mile 12 before entering the Showground and wondering when this damn race would end.
Finally, the finish line arrived. I was delighted that some of my clubmates at Wymondham AC had such strong runs in difficult circumstances, but I just wanted to get through it.
I didn’t want to dwell on what had been a pretty miserable effort (it also had the added benefit of avoiding the car park carnage that many runners got caught in when trying to leave the Showground).
I felt sorry for myself for a few hours, called my wife to moan (sorry Ally), and then managed to think about things a little more rationally.
I know I’m faster than the 1:36 I posted, but talk costs nothing, and I hope to show that in the future.
However, now is not the time to do so. It’s been a fun 2024 in terms of running, but I’ve wondered about a lot of things and maybe it’s time to step back for a while.
It’s all just a hobby and I have to remind myself of that sometimes. It is important not to involve my self-esteem too much in the course of the race. It puts too much pressure on him.
Right now, I want to run with friends and participate in events that I’m passionate about.
Preferably ones that don’t feature 50 mph winds.
